The Mindset of Perfectionism

Every day, we deal with different stressors in our lives. It could be a tight deadline at work, or the mountain of household chores waiting for us at home. Feeling stressed is a common emotion that many people can relate to. However, stress can reach a point where it starts to get unhealthy. Our  mindsets (ie. the way we perceive things) are a big factor that affects our stress levels  — and one example of an unhelpful mindset worth rethinking is that of  perfectionism. 

What is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is a term loosely used in social settings to describe family or friends who focus on achieving perfect outcomes. However, that is not solely what perfectionism entails. Perfectionism involves a tendency to set standards that are unattainable or that can only be met with great difficulty. Perfectionists often have difficulty seeing situations in perspective as they tend to believe that anything short of perfection is unworthy. People often hold perfectionist attitudes out of two broad motivations (which are not mutually exclusive): excellence-seeking and failure-avoidance. Excellence-seeking perfectionism is where people are driven by extreme achievements and have excessively high standards; in contrast, failure-avoiding perfectionism is where people are motivated by a fear of failing to meet ‘perfect’ standards.

Perfectionism is driven largely by internal pressures. This comes from the ingrained belief that only perfect results are worth the effort, a manifestation of the All-or-Nothing thinking pattern, where nothing other than perfect is accepted. Such a mindset could arise from childhood when good results are overly praised or poor results are constantly disapproved of. As a result, we may develop thoughts that our self worth is based on our achievements.

How Does Perfectionism Lead to Stress?

Perfectionism leads to stress when people believe that they’re valuable only because of what they achieve or do for others. This leads them to push themselves (and their teams) hard, and eventually it becomes counterproductive as the pressure to achieve a standard of perfection leads to high levels of stress and anxiety. 

Signs of Perfectionism

Here are some signs of a perfectionist. You…

  • believe your self-worth is determined by your achievements
  • procrastinate regularly because you’re afraid that you’ll be unable to complete a task perfectly
  • struggle to relax and share your thoughts and feelings for fear of it being “wrong” or imperfect
  • are seldom (or never) satisfied with the work that you produce 
  • have unrealistically high expectations for yourself and others and tend to fixate on ideal standards

How Can I Manage My Perfectionist Tendencies?

1. Replace self-critical or perfectionistic thoughts with realistic and helpful statements.

Perfectionists are often very critical of themselves. Even if you do not believe them right away, enough repetition will turn positive realistic thoughts into a habit, and help crowd out the negative self-talk. Some examples of positive realistic statements include:

  • “Nobody is perfect!”
  • “All I can do is my best!”
  • “Making a mistake does not mean I’m stupid or a failure. It only means that I am like everyone else – human. Everyone makes mistakes!”
  • “It’s okay not to be pleasant all the time. Everyone has a bad day sometimes.”

2. Switch to a mindset of excellence rather than perfection.

Having a mindset of excellence means being motivated to do your best rather than to achieve the best. Be open to learning from experiences, allow yourself the room to be human and make mistakes, yet acknowledge that good outcomes can still be attained. 

Wanting everything to be perfect means that we tend to fixate on the negative parts of our work or ourselves. However, it’s important to also recognise the good and give credit for the smaller achievements. For everything you’re not satisfied with, challenge yourself to identify three things that you do appreciate. Bringing your attention to the positives helps you to recognise moments when you succeed.

3. Recognise and give yourself credit for your achievements, even if they’re small.

Wanting everything to be perfect means that we tend to fixate on the negative parts of our work or ourselves. However, it’s important to also recognise the good and give credit for the smaller achievements. For everything you’re not satisfied with, challenge yourself to identify three things that you do appreciate. Bringing your attention to the positives helps you to recognise moments when you succeed.

Remember that the person who pressures you the most can be yourself. Be kind to yourself and practise self-acceptance by lowering unrealistic standards you set for yourself. Learn to encourage yourself rather than operate out of fear of imperfection. If you are still motivated and doing your best, celebrate that! There is no such thing as “perfect,” but we can be proud of doing our best.

“Don’t aim for perfection. Aim for ‘better than yesterday’.” — Izey Victoria Odiase.