When Self-Care Becomes Toxic

When we hear the word “self-care”, it is common for us to think of face masks, spa treatments, and going on a vacation. Contemporary self-care culture is praised for sparking conversation advocating for mental health. Admittedly, the popularisation of self-care today has opened our eyes to its importance and what it constitutes. However, we may find that self-care “culture” is slowly gravitating towards a certain level of toxicity, and it is important to recognise when toxic self-care is being touted.

What exactly constitutes “toxicity” in self-care culture? There are a variety of different ways in which self-care culture today is more harmful than helpful. Ironically, these supposed “self-care” beliefs or tips may cause greater distress or are unhealthy in other ways. [1]

Here are some ways in which self-care culture has become less than ideal:

Did you know that the self-care industry is projected to have an estimated value of $13 billion by 2026? [2] 

Companies are capitalising on this boost in the popularity of self-care to market products which have little to do with self-care:

• Beauty products advertised as “self-care” products,
• Services (e.g. gym packages, staycations) advertised as necessary for self-care, and
• Influencers advertising “self-care” products and services. [3]

Due to such advertisements, many people start believing that possessing these products or services is necessary for maintaining self-care. Those who cannot afford such luxuries feel that they cannot “attain desired levels of self-care”, and may end up making unwise financial decisions.

However, these products and services are often a “band-aid” we use to make up for the long-term effects of stress and burnout, in lieu of more effective, rejuvenating self-care techniques. This can be frustrating, especially if we feel that we are implementing these self-care routines in our lives to no avail. We may start to believe that self-care is not helpful in the long run.

Another unhelpful belief about self-care is that it is related to productivity. This belief is usually presented in 2 ways:

1. Self-care should be done to increase productivity.
   For example, articles titled: “Want to be more productive? Try these self-care tips!”
2. Only when we are productive are we “allowed” to engage in self-care.
   For example, with articles titled: “20 self-care tips after a long day at work.”

Establishing a relationship between self-care and productivity puts additional pressure on us. We start believing that we must work harder for self-care to be “valid”. We may even feel guilty for engaging in self-care when we feel like we have not done “enough work” to “deserve” self-care. This creates a toxic understanding of self-care. [3]

Articles and social media posts claiming to hold self-care secrets to “curing depression” or “quelling anxiety” are abundant. They claim that self-care is easy, and can help “repel mental illnesses altogether”. For those who are less well-versed in mental health, this can be detrimental for several reasons. [1]

1. These posts perpetuate beliefs that mental health is “easy to understand” and “curable”. When individuals struggling with mental health disorders find themselves unable to improve their mental wellbeing despite following such self-care tips, they are further demoralised. They may start feeling that the problem is inherent, or that they are beyond help. However, the truth is that mental illness can make it tough for individuals to carry out those self-care tips in the first place. How can it be easy to motivate ourselves to meditate or take a bath, when it is difficult to get out of bed? 
2. They can create misinformation about mental health and mental illness. When mental illnesses are painted in a superficial manner, many of us may interpret mental illness as something easy to overcome, when in fact it is an uphill battle that many struggle with.

Ironically, these “self-care tips” create an unsafe environment for those struggling with mental health disorders, and perpetuate misunderstanding.

A large part of toxic self-care culture is also based on toxic positivity. Toxic positivity occurs when we use positive emotions, phrases or self-care techniques to cover up negative emotions. Some self-care articles may imply that negative emotions and experiences should be ignored or put aside in favour of a more positive mindset.

However, it is important to recognise that negative emotions are part and parcel of life. Ignoring them can be detrimental to emotional processing and prevents self-growth. We may also feel guilty or shameful to share negative emotions, even though they are a part of being human. Ultimately, engaging in toxic positivity can reduce help-seeking behaviours and lead to greater mental health detriments in the future. [4]

As self-care gains traction in our conversations about mental health, it becomes common to use it to justify negative coping behaviours. For instance, for some of us, our way of self-care is to scroll through social media, have a glass of wine, or exercise. When done in moderation, these may truly be emotionally, mentally or physically restorative for us. However, if done excessively, they can have harmful effects on our body, or even lead to addiction development.

What exactly is considered non-toxic self-care then? 

At the core of it, self-care is about taking time out of our day to be intentional about improving our mental and physical health. When wielded appropriately, self-care can:

• Help with stress management,
• Increase our overall mental wellness, and
• Decrease our risk of physical and mental illness.

Common self-care tips would include: [5]

• Eating healthily and regularly
• Getting exercise regularly
• Sleeping for the recommended amount of time
• Effective goal setting
• Maintaining your support system
• Exploring mental wellness techniques like meditation, mindfulness or gratitude journaling

When carrying out self-care for yourself, it is important to remember:

1. It is unnecessary to spend excessive amounts of time, effort or money on self-care! Self-care is not about luxury items or drastic changes. We should look towards integrating small, sustainable and healthy habits into our lives instead. 
2. Self-care is necessary, regardless of productivity levels. It is essential even when you have not been productive. We should not feel guilty about being unproductive when carrying out self-care routines. Although self-care can sometimes be helpful in boosting productivity, it is okay if it does not either!
3. Self-care is not easy, and definitely not a “cure” for any sort of mental health issue. Self-care can be difficult to carry out, and takes time to integrate into our lives. Therefore, it is important to recognise that despite its necessity, it is not the only thing that should be part of our journey towards mental wellness. It is best to seek help from mental health professionals if we find ourselves struggling with our mental health.
4. Self-care is not about being positive all the time! It is normal to feel any sort of emotion we have, even if they are negative (eg. anger or anxiety). We should look to process and reflect on such emotions instead of using self-care as a “shield”.
5. Self-care techniques should be applied in moderation. Activities like, eating, sleeping and exercising, are all imperative in self-care. However, when done in excess, these activities can result in physical or emotional problems. We should remind ourselves not to use self-care to justify engaging in unhealthy coping styles, which eventually compromise our mental, physical or emotional health.

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[1] Fielding, S. (2022). A Critical Look at Self-Care Culture and the Importance of Knowing Its Limits. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/a-critical-look-at-self-care-culture-6743663

[2] Wright, M. (2022). What Self-Care Trends Means For Retailers In 2023. ASD Market Week. https://asdonline.com/blog/retail-news/what-self-care-trends-mean-for-retailers-in-2020/

[3] Ajemian, R. (2020). Ray Ajemian: The toxic side of self-care culture. The Michigan Daily. https://www.michigandaily.com/opinion/toxic-side-self-care-culture/ 

[4] Cherry, K. (2023). What Is Toxic Positivity?. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-toxic-positivity-5093958 

[5] Caring for Your Mental Health (2022). National Institute of Mental Health.  https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/caring-for-your-mental-health#:~:text=Self%2Dcare%20means%20taking%20the,illness%2C%20and%20increase%20your%20energy