I was going through an extremely difficult phase in my life. On a personal note, I had just gone through an awful break up that had left me feeling anxious, guilty, worthless and depressed for months. I had troubles sleeping, troubles functioning in general with thoughts about the relationship constantly entrapping my mind. I could not escape. I was angry, bitter and in pain all the time. I needed a change.
I reached out to the SCC late in 2017 after struggling through much of the year with relationship and work issues which was taking a large toll on me personally. You could say that when I first arrived I was very much in a confused and broken state and fundamentally not sure how or what I should be doing.
Not wishing to continue life like this and all the more not understanding why I was exhibiting such behaviour, I sought counselling and found SCC. On my first visit, I was in tears as the act of seeking counselling was a huge step for me. My counsellor requested for me to take a series of tests and confirmed that I was of an anxious disposition due to personality and even familial upbringing and I was also exhibiting signs of trauma.
This led to my first experience with an escort when I was 20. It was exciting and satisfying. I had an income and could afford it on a semi-regular basis. However, I would always feel slightly guilty about it. Porn and masturbation would make me feel better. It was a vicious cycle, which I also thought was “normal” because I knew that my friends were doing it too. We think that when we get a partner, we will stop this and everything will be okay. We don’t realize that porn can be an addiction like any other. A partner will likely not be able to fulfill our sexual desires fueled by porn.
After going through several bad breakups in various relationships, I decided to seek counselling as I could not deal with the emotional stress.