What is Codependency?
Codependency is an informal term referring to the dysfunctional relationship between a codependent and an enabler [1]. The codependent engages in cycles of unhelpful and destructive behaviour, while the enabler takes on the role of constantly caring for the codependent. The enabler is often caring at the expense of personal needs, perpetuating the codependent’s unhealthy behaviour.
Codependent relationships are contrasted with healthy dependence, where care and support are mutual, and neither party’s life revolves around each other. This can occur between friends, family or romantic partners with neither role fixed as both parties may exhibit codependency at various points.
How does Codependency Develop?
Codependency is more likely to manifest in those who experienced adverse family relationships, childhood trauma or live in close proximity with one another [2].
Some might be accustomed to saving and protecting others, thus being more vulnerable to “enabler” roles within codependent relationships. Others might have grown up in difficult family environments lacking love and nurturance, causing them to crave the experience of leaning on others for support. As a result, they are more susceptible to “codependent” roles in relationships. When codependents meet enablers and vice versa, codependent relationships form. These relationships are sustained over time as both the codependent and enablers achieve their needs either to save or be saved as a result of the relational dynamic.
It is important to note, however, that there is no fixed way towards forming a codependent relationship.
Signs and Impacts
The codependent may exhibit several signs such as:
- Reduced satisfaction in life apart from the enabler
- Feeling constantly anxious on how to please the enabler
- Remaining within the relationship even if it goes against their conscience or personal needs
On the other hand, the enabler may feel overly responsible for the codependent, self-critical or may martyr themselves.
Codependence can eventually lead to either individual experiencing chronic anger or resentment, fear of intimacy, and control issues (either the lack of or overabundance of it) [3].
Furthermore, both parties may feel guilty while trying to establish boundaries and deny reality, potentially exacerbating any physical or mental issues. As of now, the recommended treatment for codependency is psychotherapy [4].
References:
[1] Berry, J., (2017). What’s to know about codependent relationships?. Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319873#whats-the-difference-between-codependence-and-dependence
[2] Psychology Today Staff (2022). Codependency. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/codependency
[3] Reenen, J. v. (2022). The Five Core Issues of Co-dependence. Priory Group. https://www.priorygroup.com/blog/the-five-core-issues-of-co-dependence
[4] Banner Health (2022). Codependency Behaviour. Banner Health. https://www.bannerhealth.com/services/behavioral-health/conditions/codependency#:~:text=Codependency%20refers%20to%20a%20complex,significant%20others%20or%20co%2Dworkers
